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"Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love.
Joel 2:12-13
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It's been too long. Coming back to my blog is like coming back to a sweet and quiet spot. An old secret get away that was forgotten for a time. Familiar and pleasant. A place I came to forget the world and be alone with my thoughts, prayers and the deep places in my heart. (and to then be placed all over the world wide web. ha. therefore slightly modified and vague without removing the initial meaning of course!)
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God has been doing a new work on my heart. Deep rooted pains along with new blessings and new pains have been cause for me to retreat into a different place. I've been in a battle to find my identity in Christ while trying to find my identity apart from my past. In desperation to remove myself from my past I removed many parts of me in an attempt to find out who I was not based on my circumstances.
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I have come to a place where God is beginning to rend my heart. In the past I was good at "rending my garments"...as in a public display of being torn before the Lord..not that it wasn't genuine. But it defined me. This time He is getting to the deeper parts of my heart that have been unreached. My heart is turning.
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I am far from perfect. I am even farther from a good representation of a daughter of God. But I am seeking to be worthy of my calling. Our hearts are often shown through our actions. But our actions aren't always a mirror of our hearts. I doubt that makes sense. I have yet to find a way to put that thought into words. There are just those times when I wish my actions showed my heart. But there is always hope.
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"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us;
he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds."
Hosea 6:1
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